For anyone not yet familiar with the wonderful and witty Cleolinda Jones, I suggest you do some research. On top of the fabulous Secret Life of Dolls, Cleo has also penned a number of hilarious movie parodies known as m15m or Movies in 15 Minutes. Some of these parodies are featured in her book, Movies in 15 Minutes. Some, however, are available completely for free on her LiveJournal.
What does this have to do with vampires? Glad you asked. You see, Cleo's tastes for fantasy and the paranormal seem to run similar to those of us here at Vamps R Us. She posts online recaps of True Blood and Twilight, the Edward Cullens (yes, there are 2) feature heavily in the most recent Secret Life of Dolls posts, and several of her parodies are, you guessed it, about vampire movies.
Perhaps the funniest of these is Twilight in 15 Minutes. Now, these parodies are written in movie script format. And, you should probably have some familiarity both with the film and with popular culture to get the jokes, but if you do they are *fabulous* in every sense of the word. Her parodies are often laugh out loud funny and I'm always delighted when she posts a new one.
Highlights from Twilight in 15 Minutes by Cleolinda Jones:
"After she buys her book--Everything You Wanted to Know About Quileute Legends But Didn't Want to Ask the Werewolf Kid--Bella manages to get cornered by the one gang of roving lowlifes in a small tourist town BUT SUDDENLY Edward swoops in, grabs Bella and charges them with The Vampire Volvo of Great Justice and all the lowlifes are like DAMN THAT HIGH-SCHOOL KID IS HARDCORE. Heigh ho Volvo, away!"
~*~
"EDWARD: I AM VAMPIRE. HEAR ME TWINKLE."
~*~
"So the next morning Edward picks Bella up in The Vampire Volvo and pimps on in to school like a total mack and everyone's like WHOA THAT WEIRD CULLEN KID ACTUALLY GOT LAID? and he's all like, no, I sparkled for A GIRL!"
~*~
They are far more funny in context than out. Check out Twilight in 15 Minutes to read the full parody.
~Lily
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