Beware the Wereguineas!

The folks from Take 180 Entertainment (hello Juice Box!) are back with another spoof of the Twilight films, this time New Moon.

I adore Devon Kelly! That's all there is to it.

~Lily

New Moon in 15 Minutes

Cleolinda is back with another hilarious parody, this time of the teen vamp juggernaut, New Moon.

Like most of her parodies, New Moon in 15 Minutes can be found at Cleolinda's m15m community on LiveJournal. Her Twilight in 15 Minutes is also available through this community.

Highlights of New Moon in 15 Minutes:

JACOB: "Happy birthday, paleface! I stopped by Redskins 'R' Us and got you a dreamcatcher. I hear you'll be needing one a few scenes from now."

***

CHARLIE: Okay, that's ENOUGH. You've been sitting here in your pajamas not changing facial expressions for FIVE MONTHS, writing emails to that loopy Cullen girl who won't even answer you, waking me up every night with screaming nightmares--what the hell are those even ABOUT? The kid dumped you, he didn't rip the beating heart out of your chest!

BELLA [opening overshirt]: YES HE DID.

CHARLIE: Well... then... spackle that up and... go pretend you have friends or something. Harry and I gotta go hunt.

***

BELLA: So... you came down with a fever of a hundred and werewolf and... now you're allergic to shirts.

JACOB: It's not a lifestyle choice, Bella. It's not like I wanted the women of America to treat me like a piece of meat. [*GLARE*]

BELLA: Hey, who said I was complaining?

JACOB: Well, I mean... that's kind of what you do.

***

As always, Cleolinda is funny and fantastic. Check out the full New Moon in 15 Minutes immediately!

~Lily

The Most Ridiculous Part of New Moon

Just a short lil entry for me this morning, because I saw this picture online and just couldn't resist.

Spoiler alert, for those that haven't seen the movie or read the book series (or have any deductive reasoning abilities).

Allow me to set the scene. The Volturi are ready to snap the lovely little human neck of a frail little human girl. Let's call her, oh, how about Bella. The only way to save Bella's frail little human neck is for her sickly-looking, emo vampire not-yet-lover to agree to change her into a vampire. Which he refuses to do. Because he's a wuss.

But then his lovely and talented sister Alice interjects, with her ability to see forms of the future that are contingent on myriad changing factors and generally wrong, and yet everyone chooses to believe her anyhow. What does she see? What possible future lands itself in Alice's vision just in time to save the day and Bella's beautiful little human neck? Well, it's this.

And this is when the entire theater burst out laughing.

Hmmm, so the whole point of whining through 3 books to be changed into a vampire is so Bella can frolic through a forest wearing clothing courtesy of the Land's End catalog?

There are no words to describe how very lame this possible because Alice's visions are flawed future will be.

EDIT: Because I just couldn't resist -

~Lily

The New New Moon, Courtesy of Jen Lancaster

For those of you who haven't yet dished out the $10 ticket price to see New Moon, and have no desire to tackle the 609 page book, never fear! Jen Lancaster has tackled the entirety of New Moon's plot with merely 4 action figures, an assortment of kitchen accessories, 17 photos, and a heaping handful of snark.

Check it out at her blog, Jennsylvania.

Yes. It really is better than the original.

~Lily

Bitten at New Moon

According to an article in the Expressindia, Erin Westrate a 17 year old went to the theater like many of us to indulge in the guilty pleasure known as New Moon.  Little did she know, the movie would have more of a "bite" than she bargained for.  Westrate was grabbed and bitten by a 40ish year old man at the end of the flick after enduring sexually suggestive comments during the screening.  Come on people...keep your teeth to yourselves.

~Helena

Ecards for the Vampire Occasion

With New Moon hysteria sweeping the country more freverently than the swine flu, the ecard business is jumping on the bandwagon. Generally, bandwagoning irritates me, but being a typical hypocrite, I make exceptions for things I like :)

Someecards, my favorite of all the ecard sites, has released several new ecards in honor of New Moon. Oh, the joy of snarkery.

And one from the original Twilight:

~Lily

Ahem...

I saw New Moon today. That's right, I braved the onslaught of fangirls, tweens, and unapologetic twimoms (sadly, that's a real Web site) to see what all the hype was about. Right now, I have only this to say.

THIS.

This alone is well worth the price of admission.

And popcorn.

And that $5.99 bucket of cola that they have listed as a small, but that we all know could quench the thirst of the French Foreign Legion for a week or more.

What? He's not yet legal? But...but he has abs you could wash clothing on.

And look, he's all wet...
All right, fine. Someone notify me when this fine piece of, er, young man becomes, you know, legally a man.

I'll try to put the daydreams on hold til then.

~Lily