New Moon in 15 Minutes

Cleolinda is back with another hilarious parody, this time of the teen vamp juggernaut, New Moon.

Like most of her parodies, New Moon in 15 Minutes can be found at Cleolinda's m15m community on LiveJournal. Her Twilight in 15 Minutes is also available through this community.

Highlights of New Moon in 15 Minutes:

JACOB: "Happy birthday, paleface! I stopped by Redskins 'R' Us and got you a dreamcatcher. I hear you'll be needing one a few scenes from now."

***

CHARLIE: Okay, that's ENOUGH. You've been sitting here in your pajamas not changing facial expressions for FIVE MONTHS, writing emails to that loopy Cullen girl who won't even answer you, waking me up every night with screaming nightmares--what the hell are those even ABOUT? The kid dumped you, he didn't rip the beating heart out of your chest!

BELLA [opening overshirt]: YES HE DID.

CHARLIE: Well... then... spackle that up and... go pretend you have friends or something. Harry and I gotta go hunt.

***

BELLA: So... you came down with a fever of a hundred and werewolf and... now you're allergic to shirts.

JACOB: It's not a lifestyle choice, Bella. It's not like I wanted the women of America to treat me like a piece of meat. [*GLARE*]

BELLA: Hey, who said I was complaining?

JACOB: Well, I mean... that's kind of what you do.

***

As always, Cleolinda is funny and fantastic. Check out the full New Moon in 15 Minutes immediately!

~Lily

More Movies in 15 Minutes

In previous posts, I mentioned how much I adore Cleolinda Jones (in general) and her hilarious Movies in Fifteen Minutes parodies (in specific). Last time, I pimped Twilight in 15 Minutes, so it's high time that I mention another of her vampire parodies.

Without further ado, here are a few of the highlights from Cleo's Van Helsing in 15 Minutes:

"Mr. Hyde has escaped from The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. He plunges to his death and everyone blames Van Helsing. The French gendarme yells at Van Helsing in a German accent."

~*~

"Van Helsing goes to confessional. Some cardinal bitches at him. "Why won't you tell them I work for you?" whines Van Helsing, totally sounding like some married guy's girlfriend whining that he won't take her out in public."

~*~

"Anna weeps as her hot beloved brother turns into a badly computer-generated werewolf before her eyes.
...
VAN HELSING: He's not your brother anymore! He's just a bunch of pixels!"


Again, funnier in context than out. The movie was, at best, laughable. The parody makes it more so. Check out the full Van Helsing in 15 Mintues parody here.


~Lily

Speaking of Twilight Parodies...

Ok, so maybe my previous post could use a little clarification. I think Twilight in 15 Minutes is by far the funniest written parody I have seen of the Twilight film franchise. As for visual parodies...

The award for best visual parody has to go to The Twilight Before Christmas by The Juice Box (I'm not sure if The Juice Box is specifically the work of Devon Kelly, or if she is just one part of a team). For the idea and execution of this video, though, they deserve a gold star! Check out other Juice Box features if you enjoy this one.



~Lily

The Best Twilight Parody Out There

For anyone not yet familiar with the wonderful and witty Cleolinda Jones, I suggest you do some research. On top of the fabulous Secret Life of Dolls, Cleo has also penned a number of hilarious movie parodies known as m15m or Movies in 15 Minutes. Some of these parodies are featured in her book, Movies in 15 Minutes. Some, however, are available completely for free on her LiveJournal.

What does this have to do with vampires? Glad you asked. You see, Cleo's tastes for fantasy and the paranormal seem to run similar to those of us here at Vamps R Us. She posts online recaps of True Blood and Twilight, the Edward Cullens (yes, there are 2) feature heavily in the most recent Secret Life of Dolls posts, and several of her parodies are, you guessed it, about vampire movies.

Perhaps the funniest of these is Twilight in 15 Minutes. Now, these parodies are written in movie script format. And, you should probably have some familiarity both with the film and with popular culture to get the jokes, but if you do they are *fabulous* in every sense of the word. Her parodies are often laugh out loud funny and I'm always delighted when she posts a new one.

Highlights from Twilight in 15 Minutes by Cleolinda Jones:

"After she buys her book--Everything You Wanted to Know About Quileute Legends But Didn't Want to Ask the Werewolf Kid--Bella manages to get cornered by the one gang of roving lowlifes in a small tourist town BUT SUDDENLY Edward swoops in, grabs Bella and charges them with The Vampire Volvo of Great Justice and all the lowlifes are like DAMN THAT HIGH-SCHOOL KID IS HARDCORE. Heigh ho Volvo, away!"

~*~

"EDWARD: I AM VAMPIRE. HEAR ME TWINKLE."

~*~

"So the next morning Edward picks Bella up in The Vampire Volvo and pimps on in to school like a total mack and everyone's like WHOA THAT WEIRD CULLEN KID ACTUALLY GOT LAID? and he's all like, no, I sparkled for A GIRL!"

~*~

They are far more funny in context than out. Check out Twilight in 15 Minutes to read the full parody.

~Lily