In the Name of all that's HOLY, part 2

Last time, on Holy Mother of Twilight Fail, we showed this picture of a egg-donor mom and her faux-tramp enstamped infant. Yes, it was the very definition of "Made of Fail."

Until now.

Oh, that's right. We've found an even greater "What the F@#K!" picture, where the tattoo is actually real.

***WARNING - HAZARDOUS TO HUMAN DECENCY***

There are so many issues of WRONG here that I can't begin to tackle them. I just...words are failing me.

~Lily

Stephanie Meyers, we're looking at you

Thanks to the delightful folks at Cracked.com, we have traditional monsters, Twilight style.

~Lily

It's Friggin' Twilight, Yo

Here's a Independence Day gift for you. Twilight...Jersey Shores style!




Apparently, the Jersey Shores cast is really good at parodying themselves and anything else in pop culture. For a recent Jimmy Kimmel Live Twilight-themed special, the cast of Jersey Shores pulled out all the stops.

Enjoy!

~Lily

It's Obviously Bill!

HBO has released the newest marketing poster for the upcoming season of True Blood. I like to call it "Blatant Bill!"

Blatant Bill is blatantly obvious!

So of course, everyone and their dog are making fun of the photoshop job done on this poster (seriously people, it's not that bad...I mean, you're supposed to notice Bill immediately, so they weren't really going for realism). But, in all the laughing and pointing at this latest True Blood poster, the following picture was mixed in with the comments and nasty remarks:

Now this made me damn near choke. What can I say? I enjoyed reading the Twilight series, but not quite as much as I enjoy some of the remarks (and images!) made at the expense of the Twilight series.

~Lily

One of my Favorite Pastimes

What can I say, I enjoy poking fun at the Twilight behemoth. All in good fun, of course.

Where to go when you're looking for some top quality snark? GraphJam.com, of course. Tell me if you've seen a Twilight themed graph more accurate than this:

Oh GraphJam, I'll never understand how you so easily and pictorially read my mind.

~Lily

How Can You Make Twilight Better?

Arguably, this is one way.

~Lily

An Odd Coincidence

It is just my (unresearched and completely biased) opinion, but Comedy Central's new cartoon Ugly Americans looks like the kind of inane cable garbage that I generally take as a symbol of the immanent apocalypse. And this is coming from a girl who *likes* the paranormal.

I haven't actually watched an episode because 1) I don't feel like sacrificing 30 minutes of my life to such banality and 2) I never claimed to be unbiased in this review so I don't feel I have to justify my opinion of the show by actually watching it. In fact, there is only one thing about Ugly Americans that intrigues me enough to write this post.

After a quick stop by the Comedy Central web site, I learned that the relatively normal looking cartoon man I've seen on the commercials for this show is one of the main characters, a human named Mark Lilly.

Now, it may be just me, but does Mark look oddly similar to anyone else in paranormal pop culture?

Someone that is, oh, maybe an *icon* of the paranormal right now?

Someone who causes grown women to act like tweens and tweens to act like they're experiencing the second coming of the Beatles?

A certain undead vegetarian heartthrob, perhaps?
Is Mark Lilly of Ugly Americans a cartoon version of Edward Cullen?

Maybe a slightly closer shot.

I leave it to you to decide.

~Lily

Beware the Wereguineas!

The folks from Take 180 Entertainment (hello Juice Box!) are back with another spoof of the Twilight films, this time New Moon.

I adore Devon Kelly! That's all there is to it.

~Lily

Rise of the Man Wolf

I would like to preface the following clip by saying...

I'm only posting this because Helena made me.

The preceding spoof was created by the folks at Movieclips. You can find it on youtube here, and you can find their youtube channel here. Watch it, comment it, favorite it, understand that no copyright infringement is intended with it. Basically, I don't care what you do. As for me, I'm off to rock back and forth in a corner while attempting to get the image of that chest hair out of my head.

~Lily

Dimlight

The Juice Box has made yet another Twilight parody. In The Twilight Before Christmas, Devon Kelly found her Edward. Well, kinda.

In Dimlight, things don't work out quite so smoothly for Devon. At least Tedward doesn't turn into Santa Claus in the sunlight...

If you like what you see here, check out The Juice Box Web site. These are some talented people.

~Lily

Cody Devereaux vs Wolfboy

I'm a fan of Conan O'Brien. I apparently have a thing for tall, sarcastic guys. Over the last several months, Conan has featured a sketch that any vamp fan can enjoy. Yes, I'm talking about Cody Devereaux, Conan's "sexy vampire personal assistant."


What are Cody's qualifications? He's a "brooding, handsome, misunderstood vampire who drives teenage girls crazy." He's also jealous, petty, and prone to suicide. If that's not enough, he has his own sappy theme song that cracks me up every time I hear it.

The best sketch involves Cody emo-ing out because Conan hires a passionate wolfboy assistant...and a mostly naked mummy assistant, and Cody doesn't like the competition.

Too bad I couldn't find video of that sketch online. I did find this sketch, though, which is also amusing.

~Lily

The Most Ridiculous Part of New Moon

Just a short lil entry for me this morning, because I saw this picture online and just couldn't resist.

Spoiler alert, for those that haven't seen the movie or read the book series (or have any deductive reasoning abilities).

Allow me to set the scene. The Volturi are ready to snap the lovely little human neck of a frail little human girl. Let's call her, oh, how about Bella. The only way to save Bella's frail little human neck is for her sickly-looking, emo vampire not-yet-lover to agree to change her into a vampire. Which he refuses to do. Because he's a wuss.

But then his lovely and talented sister Alice interjects, with her ability to see forms of the future that are contingent on myriad changing factors and generally wrong, and yet everyone chooses to believe her anyhow. What does she see? What possible future lands itself in Alice's vision just in time to save the day and Bella's beautiful little human neck? Well, it's this.

And this is when the entire theater burst out laughing.

Hmmm, so the whole point of whining through 3 books to be changed into a vampire is so Bella can frolic through a forest wearing clothing courtesy of the Land's End catalog?

There are no words to describe how very lame this possible because Alice's visions are flawed future will be.

EDIT: Because I just couldn't resist -

~Lily

Well That Just Makes It Sound So Icky...

Just as Helena's amusing post illustrates the scary double standard held between dirty old men and twimoms, this also rings of truth.

Kinda puts it all in perspective, huh?

~Lily

The New New Moon, Courtesy of Jen Lancaster

For those of you who haven't yet dished out the $10 ticket price to see New Moon, and have no desire to tackle the 609 page book, never fear! Jen Lancaster has tackled the entirety of New Moon's plot with merely 4 action figures, an assortment of kitchen accessories, 17 photos, and a heaping handful of snark.

Check it out at her blog, Jennsylvania.

Yes. It really is better than the original.

~Lily

First Cats, Now Squirrels!

The vampire epidemic spreads! Squirrels are, apparently, more flamboyant in their displays of vampirism. Note the cape.


He's so adorably evil! Look at the sunflower seeds he's already drained. Gives new meaning to the whole "vegetarian vamp" craze. Take that, Cullens.

~Lily

Vampire vs Sparklepire: The Debate Rages On

I came across this today. I don't know who made it (I will gladly give credit if told), but I think it's hilarious.



Count von Count, keeping it real since 1972.

Straight up, even in direct sunlight, there is no sparkle. For proof, see exhibit A:



The Count is outside, in the midst of a sunny snowstorm, and there is no sparkle to be seen. That's because real vampires don't sparkle, they solve mathematical equations. Take that, Cullens.

~Lily ;)